Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
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he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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