I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
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