you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Just puked most of my soul out..
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
