she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
tell me about the fingering
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