A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Randomize
