The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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