i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
