bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
