GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
