so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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