I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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