I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Randomize
