Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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