how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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