If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
