I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Screwed.edu
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
