just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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