Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
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