Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
