she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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