i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
