His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
