I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
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