please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
