I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
