yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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