I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
