she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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