I'm jealous of your bromance
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Drunk is not a location!
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
