Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
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He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
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Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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