Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Randomize
