I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
