I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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