Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
