We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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