If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I love you. Go after that dick
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
