I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
