butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
