I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
