i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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