dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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