Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
