Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
