Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
