Your dad touched me again.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
