i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
