I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
