When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
