Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
