I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
