He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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