You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
