I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize