I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize