She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
