so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
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