Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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