so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
