Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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